dimplekari's Xanga

is dat why you cheat

Wed, 07 Oct 2009 15:00:14 GMT

the difference between us and them is that he always knew how to handle her. i thought you knew how to handle me as well, but it seems the thought of it is a mere thought, and thoughts can often be wrong.

and this is wrong. is it because you didn't love me as much, or is it her. how come i can still feel so much for a person who feels nothing. i've always wanted to say this, and suddenly i feel as if the words you said during it were nothing but excuses to be with her. if it is so, why didnt you say so? i would understand because humans, are KNOWN for fluidity in feelings. we're all not concretes we're fluids. so susceptible to this. but i thought you knew better?

now i have a person, who's something like her but with much more standard, willing to be there for me regardless and explain to me your doings, when its bothering me. i know, far be it from me to say, but there's more to it than you know. what you know is only the surface, penetrate it, and you'll see clearer. i walk down that lane every time feeling so familiar but absolutely strange at the same time. its crazy how time works, memories that diminish with it. so does this mean, if we stop time, us will stop too? because we can never regret something we once wanted to happen, i find it bull. its true though, but also remember, its more of an act impulse than a want. more of a state of withdrawal than a drawback. the only thing that bothers me now, is that how come she couldn't be bothered without even the slightest conscience that her doing is downgrading her morality. because she loves you too much? hmm. and you, of all people i developed an affinity for is being pulled back by it.

so for every action theres a reaction. and for your pull back, here i am, fastforwarding the past and erasing it whilst i stand still, letting everything happen by itself. letting every insignificant thing zoom past me for every blink.

but sometimes, it damages you too deep to be able to erase it all huh.

just dont disappoint her, ever. even when i really hate her, when it is by human's nature to feel so, i still feel if a person like you could fall for her, then she shouldn't be that bad of a character. and i believe your choice. sorry i wasnt the one to remain in your heart, and i feel sorry for myself too for letting a single person revolve around my world. and relate every miracle in life to you.

its days like these that reminds me of you. but not anymore. someone else is on my mind now.

n yeah, sorry it took me so long to express myself. i'm just like that, slow, and late. forgive me (:

"if he didnt knw how much you loved him
then apparently he didnt knw u as well as u think he did"

its true, you know. you didn't know :)

what i thought we were.

Deviant Art

Tue, 22 Sep 2009 05:03:49 GMT

i was browsing through deviantart just now. actually i was in meiyee's deviantart. hehe great photos meiyee :) then i saw this "emotive" link and i clicked it.

here are the emotive pieces that i like, and that i feel at present.
heeeehe.

i really like the whole emoness of it all. like he's just there not becoz he has nothing better to do, but bcoz he chose to just be there and do nothing.

these two reminds me of how a family should really be like. :) girl all grown up into a real beauty, as in with her feminine features prominent, and with the dad and mum so happy together. especially that photo of the dad smiling towards the mom. it shows how much he loves her hee hee.

oh this is one emo piece that i really like. it reminds me of romeo, and it reminds me of mr how. :):):)
YES i do adore mr how and i like his tidak boleh belah attitude. even if he's like that it doesnt mean he's REALLY like that. cant u guys see, the sensitivity in him. sheesh some people are just blind. and yes, i dont care how much u disagree with me, coz he's juz awesoooomeeeee. its ur loss people :P

oh this isnt from deviantart , but i really like the sky and the sea below. its just so freaking cool ya know. if i get to be there to witness it before me omfg i would just die in awe for it is like an opening to the wonders above and i dunno. like a dream come true :) it reminds me how powerful nature could be. ya know.

ooh i like this one bcoz it reminds me of how i would haven taken my photos if i had noting to do and pretend to be emo and stuff lmao.

HEEE I would wanna try taking a photo like this. its so beautiful :P everything is. the sky, the kiss the guy, the surrounding. i really like the colour of the sky. sooooo full of energy

something with the second picture that caught my eye *lmao* i think its cz it reminds me of how an emo person would look like when hes waiting. and it struck me as to how much i hate waiting as well. and i know how he feels. oh the first picture is great, it makes me feel like as if what he is seeing is some kind of forest that is haunting and yet mysteriously intriguing coz we just get to see a glimspe of what hes seeing and its scary enough to provoke the coward in me lol.
more like a scene from somewhere with alot of danger going on. alot of adrenaline rush.

and this is my favourite :

:):):)

SMILEEEEE-lin' hahaa this picture makes me feel so calm. so relaxed. tranquility at its best. AND I WANT HIM!!! haha thats who i wanna be with. i wanna be him, i wana feel how he feels. ~~ which is damn wonderful.
aaaaah :)

u knwo what. now i remember why i like xanga. coz the photo upload would be much simpler i wouldnt have to rearrange like how i have to in blogspot. but blogspot would load faster though. haha i love xanga <3 its just a place called

home :)

Sunday, August 02, 2009

Sun, 02 Aug 2009 08:45:47 GMT

really miss it la.

i think none of you would have guessed it right what is it that i'm missing.

if you could, then you're superman. there u go. another clue.

the sun's shinning its penetrating light over the desk. from there i see my own shadow, my hair tied up in a ponytail and strands just lazing and succumbing to gravity. sometimes, i forget that the shadow i'm looking at is me. its like you often look at other people and not yourself until when you see something or someone, it takes time to occur to you that the very thing or person you're looking at is you.

its scary you know. its like you, looking at you. and you, percepts you. and you, judging you.

haha yeah. this really is my emospot.

it feels so different, the way things are now and then. it is like i've built a more protective shell over me and i will not allow the passage of anyone nor will i allow anyone to have a mere peek. whats within is haunting. whats haunting is often devastating. i guess all of us have our deep secrets, but people like me, just feels them. subconsciously submerging but breathing, feeling but unknowing. its so sad that literature class had to be canceled today. thanks to my big mouth for telling teacher our school got quarantined. its nice, to know there wont be school. but i'm a lifeless bum and i need my drive. i need the work. :( and its sad to know i'm actually monica in friends. like .

i adore friends okay, and i don't wish to be the one who spoils the fun and all.. omg and i'm sensitive this way too. so funny huh, how i'm uncouthly aware of my own thinking.

like i realized that i am having a realization.

so stupid.

its a lovely day today and i'm stuck here. not stuck actually, i just don't want to go out. now's best spent on evening walks around the park, quick dips in the pool, or maybe a game of badminton with my b :). i have to admit, despite the pain of it all, its still fun.

haih.. and i dont understand how people just move on with their lives even when theres something like death. i mean, i move on but i dont understand how people including myself could do it. like we have no heart ya know.
no heart.

we have no heart.

the only flaw of us is by being human. yet the only problem we have with technology is because they have no heart.

why do we confuse ourselves like that. or is it we just dont stick to one opinion and have greed to want to be in every.

greed.

another problem.

haih.

unsatisfied.

another problem.

the day goes on still, right. no heart.

oldies..

Sun, 19 Jul 2009 09:11:45 GMT

wow.. its been so long ever since i blogged here. i agree wholeheartedly with meiyee about how it is better to express myself here. life hasnt been the way i wanted it to be. yet we all contradict ourselves most of the time dont we. we dont even know how we want our life to be exactly, and when we really reach to that very point like the way we wanted, we realize it isnt what we want in the end.

very contradicting.

very confusing.

my sej teacher taught us about yin and yang. i always knew it is fengshui related and how its about the seperation between good and evil surrouding us. but i never related it to how the world revolves around it, how there always is a balance between the two. how there are opposites in everything. come to think of it, isnt it so true? and maybe what we used to think as bullshit, fengshui i mean, isnt so much of bullshit after all. dont u think so?

ive been going through my dad's stuff awhile ago. not on purpose of course. i was just looking around and i saw a stack of cds. how i missed those times i used to sleep in his car, accidently as he was driving the family to some destination i dont anticipate. its funny how things work.. you dont appreciate something when its so available.. u take it for granted. but when its gone, u come to think of it more. and suddenly u miss it. when you're in that moment you dont give a shit.. but when the moment isnt here anymore you feel so nostalgic. so maybe thats why i have a thing for oldies. omg. haha im listening to my dad's eagles cd. track 8. i dont wanna talk about it. my dad used to play this all the time in his car.. haha and listening to it now makes me feel very ambivalent. very emo and happy and just at peace. :D and im chatting with meiyee now. about lots of stuff, but not just conversation. everything is valuable dont you think, no matter the conversation is with or without substance..

as long as it is what comes out of that person's mind.

in years to come, as u think about it again, and relive the past, you will most definitely miss that 'unvaluable' conversation without any substance. dont you think? what you talk about matters, but its the person ure talking to matters most.

haha listening to first cut is the deepest.. i dont believe in that. :) as i told dashini and sanjay earlier, it doesnt have to be so rigid. it doesnt necessarily mean u will love the person most in ur first relationship. people learn to lvoe more in second relationships, and get deeper cuts.

thats my thinking.

hmm. i dont have credit now.. the bf's location is unknown. i know he doesnt have credit, but sometimes i cant help but wonder if he would msg me just cuz he feels like it or he has to wait for me to msg him. hmm . things to wonder.. nothing big. and i really feel the blogging vibe now. i feel so comfortable blogging here i wonder why did i ever leave.. if xanga hadnt been so slow i wouldnt in the first place. everything happens for a reason regardless.. as what is once said. i cant go back and start a new beginning but i can start now and make a new ending. right cassidy? and i guess i'm just like that. selfcentered.. just do what i wanna do. live my life. blog wherever i want to and it is you who has to follow me. not me following the norm. so sorry, but its just me.

undecided and im okay with it.

:)

nice to see you again, old reader.

OKAY IM SO SORRY.

Sat, 11 Oct 2008 15:53:39 GMT

SWTICHED BLOG =DDDDDDDDDDD

i know lah. stop looking at me like that. not what i want one okay.

xanga situpid.hmp >:P

anyway go to. www.dimplekari.blogspot.com

RELINK ME PEOPLE. muah thanks love!!!!

oh ya and happy end of holiday.

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 15:27:31 GMT

YAY BACK TO SCHOOL.

cant wait.^^!

you piss me off.

Sun, 05 Oct 2008 14:31:54 GMT

everytime i develop a strong affinity for you..

you just have to tear me down, now don't you.
are you unaware..
are you that .. foolish, u ignorant bastard?

you make me so disappointed in you..

REFLECT.

sigh. things just doesnt seem to go right. is it me or is it that the world has turned into a bitter, sour, place to live in.
everything i do , makes me feel like nausea's bottling up my spine, blocking my lungs, hence, the sudden pang.

its like there's something very wrong with the parts related to my epiglottis like it isnt functioning right. or maybe my pharynx. or larnyx...somewhere related to my trachea feels as thought theres a blockage blocking air.

no. air.

hah.

okay i just didnt drink water after eating 4 pieces of bread........so that explains it. :D sorry! wasted ur few seconds reading till here. :D!!

....where was i.

hmm..oh ya i was whining about how you disappoint me.

i hate you xanga. =(

sigh we had something u know, xanga. why are you doing this to me.. :( i might leave you, yknow?

and on another note.

hey yeenhoong. you have my back :)
dont worry. i'm sure, she'll be watching you from above.

always.

My best condolences to your mom. she has been a good mom, and a good auntie for fetching me and treating me noodles. i know her deeds. i bet you do too. thats why, she'll be in heaven.

that's why.

you'll be alright. she'll be covering ur sadness. with her blanket of warmth. she'll always be there. i know it.
just believe it.

faith.

<3,chiasing =)

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

Wed, 01 Oct 2008 12:13:46 GMT

~~FUCKING~~ BORED.

GONNA DISAPPEAR FROM THE BLOGOSPHERE.

UNTIL SOMETHING INTERESTING COMES UP. BYE.^.^

SIMPLE TO SAY, HIATUS.

so membabikan whenever i go blog hoppin i see the same posts...>_>

but my hp's still working lar. anything stil can ajak me 1. no problem 1.

wow. i amaze myself. im so weird i get pissed for people not blogging. lol. byebye^_^

wheeeee

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 13:00:53 GMT

who else -_-..

i think i am a pig.

ok i lemie paraphrase. i mean i KNOW i am a pig.

is it intentional? yes.

:)

xanga is so slow it makes me sooooooooooooooooooooo pissed. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!_)*#_)(@_)

and swimming was actually fun XDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

dolphins wheeeeeeeeeeee. insidejoke.
went "buka puasa" after that. sorta....lol

and selamat hari raya semua . maaf zahir batin ye. asalkan bagi i duit raya cukup. semua jalan smoooth.
wtf is wrong with me.

-_-

i love television.
how can u not love television?
oh bye marcus! haf a safe trip! and i think andrew's well already.. lol

sexy.

hello again

Mon, 29 Sep 2008 11:46:39 GMT

i just blogged 2 mins ago.

im back =D

ok ud be thinking wah this siao poh. really nothing to do.

but its true i dont really wana do anything but i have lots to do =D

school :D

outing with kamarul n jason. the dude's fasting lol.

pzx, why are u so stubborn. i say gimie then gimie la. haih. u see, create chaos only la u. money T.T

haha jk.

i was uber bored................zz

sei mou ive been sleeping whole day and i think it has officially been an addiction or maybe just procrastination omg i talk alot omg i need to drink milk omg melamine omg i think dont have but omg i dont care but omg i am jabbering too much omg i should stop

omg.